KILEY RYAN RIEMER

ON JULY 23rd 2008 I STARTED BLEEDING HEAVY. (I WAS ONLY 30 WEEKS ALONG.) THEY RUSHED ME TO THE NEAREST HOSPITAL. BY THE TIME I GOT THERE I WAS READY TO PUSH . KILEY RYAN RIEMER WAS BORN AT 9:00 PM WEIGHIG 3LBS.3OZ.16IN. SHE WAS PRECIOUS! SHORTLY AFTER THEY TOOK HER AWAY TO CHECK HER OUT. THEY CAME BACK IN THE ROOM AND SAID SHE WAS HAVING A HARD TIME BREATHING AND THAT SHE HAD TO BE TAKEN TO ANOTHER HOSPITAL THAT HAD A NICU. I WAS CRUSHED ! WHEN THE NICU TEAM CAME TO PICK KILEY UP THEY STOPPED IN MY ROOM SO I COULD SAY GOODBYE . I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO HOLD HER . THE ONLY IMAGE OF MY BABY GIRL I SAW FOR THE FIRST TIME WAS HER IN A INCUBATOR AND A BREATHING TUBE COVERING HER FACE. THE NEXT DAY I CHECKED OUT AND WENT TO SEE MY BABY . THE TUBE WAS GONE ! SHE  HAD TUBES WITH OXYGEN HOOKED UP TO HER NOSE. I COULD FINALLY SEE WHAT SHE LOOKED LIKE . I COULDN'T HOLD HER YET DO TO THE STREES IT COULD PUT ON HER. A DAY LATER I GOT TO HOLD HER 11:31 PM . OVER HER STAY WE VISITED EVERY DAY. EVENTUALLY THE OXYGEN WAS TAKEN AWAY AND THE FEEDING TUBE WAS HOOKED UP. THEY CALLED THIS A BOULIS FEEDING .ITS WHERE THE TUBE GOES IN HER NOSE TO HER BELLY . THEN SHE HAD JAUNDICE AND HAD TO GO UNDER LIGHTS. OVER HER STAY THE TUBE CAME OUT CAUSE SHE COULD MASTER THE BOTTLE. THE NEXT STEPS WAS TO GAIN WEIGHT AND KEEP HER TEMP UP BY HER SELF IN AN OPEN CRIB.ON AUG.18TH WE GOT THE CALL KILEY CAN COME HOME! I WAS SO HAPPY TO FINALLY HAVE AL MY KIDS TOGETHER. IT WAS HEAVEN EVERYONE WANTED TO HOLD HER. KILEY WAS DOING GREAT, SHE WAS GAINING WEIGHT ,GETTING LOTS OF LOVE FROM HER FAMILY. I WAS SO HAPPY TO HAVE ANOTHER GIRL. THE LAST TIME I HAD A GIRL WAS IN 2000, THEN 2 BOYS AFTER THAT .IT WAS GREAT ! KILEY WE CALLED HER ARE LITTLE BUG-EYED BABY GIRL CAUSE SHE HAD THE BIGGEST EYES AND THE LITTLEST FACE. I WILL NEVER FORGET THE MOURNING OF OCT.8TH . HER DADDY FOUND HER NOT BREATHING . HE  WOKE ME UP IN A PANIC . I WAS IN TOTAL SHOCK  ! HE TRIED TO GIVE HER MOUTH TO MOUTH WHILE THE AMBULANCE WAS ON THE WAY .  THE POLICE MAN CAME AND  RUSHED TO WORK ON HER . WE HAD HOPE. THE MAN CAME IN .THE LOOK ON HIS FACE . THEN THE WORDS CAME OUT IM SORRY .HE DIDN'T HAVE TO FINISH I TOLD HIM NO I DON'T BELEIVE YOU. I SAT THERE HOLDING MY BOYS SPEECHLESS, NUMB, I DIDN' T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I WAS IN DENIEL. EVERYTHING SETTLED  DOWN AND IT WAS TIME TO SAY GOODBYE AS I WALKED UP WITH HER DADDY TO THE AMBULACE I SAW MY BABY GIRL LAYING THERE IN ONLY HER DIAPER I COULDN'T DO IT I WAS SCARED AND CRYING , CONFUSED WITH EMOTION. THE WOMAN WHO CAME ALONG TO HELP KILEY, CALMED ME DOWN AND SAID I SHOULD GO. I HELD MY BABY GIRL . MY HEART WAS RIPPED IN HALF . TO SEE YOUR CHILD LIFELESS AND NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT .IT WAS OVERWHELMING. IT LOOKED LIKE SHE WAS SLEEPING,BUT COLD. IT WAS TIME TO GO . THEY HANDED ME HER CLOTHES AND  OFF THEY WENT. HER FUNERAL WAS A BLUR , IT FELT LIKE IT WASN'T MY BABY LYING THERE. I CRIED TO GOD WISHING HE WOULD BRING MY BABY BACK. I KNEW IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE. WE GOT THE CALL IT WAS SIDS THAT TOOK OUR BABY. A COUPLE WEEKS LATER I HAD A DREAM ... I SAW KILEY LAYING ON A BLANKET FULL OF LIGHT WITH ANOTHER BABY AS HAPPY AS CAN BE .IN MY DREAM I HAD THE OVERWHELMING FEELING OF TWINS. AT THE END OF OCT. I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT. I FEEL LIKE SHE WAS TELLING ME HER BROTHER WAS COMING. HER BROTHER LOOKS ALOT LIKE KILEY . IT WAS A HAPPY BUT SAD MOMENT. MY HEART WILL ALWAYS BE ACHING FOR MY DAUGHTER. IM NOT HAPPY WITH GODS DECISION ,I DON'T KNOW WHY HE DID WHAT HE DID ,BUT I HAVE TO TRUST IN HIM.  OVER THE UPCOMING MONTHS I CALLED LIFE BANK TO SEE IF HER HEART VALVES WERE PLACED HE TOLD ME IM SORRY WE COULD NOT USE THEM . THEY FOUND GROUP B STREPP IN HER VALVES.GROUP B STREPP IS COMMON IN PREGNANT MOTHERS. I DIDN'T HAVE ANTIBIOTICS CAUSE SHE CAME SO FAST . ON KILEYS DISCHARGE PAPERS IT SAID SHE WAS TREATED WITH ANTIBIOTICS. I HAVE GOTTEN NO ANSWERS . I M CONFUSED TO WHAT MY BABY DIED OF . ONLY GOD KNOWS.